What doesn´t kill you makes you stronger

I have now been here for 4 months, and I have survived. This has definitely been the toughest thing I  ever done in my life, I don´t think I have ever been so down and never been so alone.
However it is true: What does not kill you makes you stronger.

The experience of falling, falling, falling and to feel that you can´t do this, there is no more energy sources pour from, you are ready to admit defeat, to give in, to give up, is so different when you are  alone in a foreign land than from when that happens to you in your safe home environment.
I am quite sure that if this had happened to me in BCN I would have quitted, I would have given up, because I know there are people there who will catch me when I fall. Here I have no one so the only option is to keep fighting, If I fall here I will hit the ground, hard.

 When you are standing there on the border staring down in the abyss feeling it staring back at you and you know that any second now you will fall you need to make your choice: Let go and just go free falling or take a step back and try to make a change, squees the last drops out of yourself to resist the temptation of the abyss.

I choose not to fall, I decided that to be able to cope with life here I needed to change my mind set. And somehow I did, I thought that if I would fall I would be sent to a therapist and what would that person say to me? Exactly the same things as I can say to myself. So instead of taking the path by therapy I just took control over my own mind and decided that if  I wanted to make this work I first of all had to stop with the self-pity, then start focusing on not being bitter but finding every day one small little thing to be positive about. And the most important thing, jut decide: I can do this.

This helped, and above all it has helped me grow stronger. I have found strength inside myself when I thought I was down and out, I have pushed my limits so much further than I have ever even dreamt of being possible.

It is true what MØ says: We all need someone to lean on, I miss my friend and family more than words can say and how I wish I have had them here with me during this horrible times. But still I am happy I didn´t, I am happy I got this chance to test myself and that I could prove to myself I am so much stronger than I thought. And this journey aint over yet, I will still have so many chances to prove to myself that I will never ever admit defeat. That the only way is up, is keep moving, keep fighting. Never give up.

Oooops I did it again...

For those of you who read this blog last time I was here knows I had a fatal adventure at the hairdresser. Well, i got tired of my trashy hair and thought to give it a new try, I mean two times is a charm right?

In addition I felt so trapped in this boring business-manager world so I felt the need to rebel a little and express my true self. Back to my punk roots sining Passenger on the menu on the back of aunties bike. So I booked an appointment at Toni & Guy for today.

Very nervous and aware of the danger due to my previous mistake I came there 10 min before time. They where super sweet, offered me something to drink and then it was time. My hair stylist Kevin looked like a reliable guy so I explained my idea to him and he totally agreed, even though he asked me several times if I was sure. I said hell yeah! and scissors went in the hair.

1h later I went out of the saloon looking like this:

And guess what? I love it!

So lesson learned: Never be afraid to repeat a mistake, next time it might actually work. Love my new hair, love that I dared, and I love that I will keep repeating my mistakes and make them right. Never let fear rule, even if it is for such a trivial thing as cutting your hair.

Sunday Funday

As ya´ll know it has been just work and no play which makes Maggan a dull girl. So I decided there must be a change. So today was the day I treated myself to a luxurious spa treatment.
As everything here it becomes an adventure, Im so lost in this world and in this city so only how to get there becomes a challenge. Luckily there is an excellent taxi app where you book a taxi and they come immediately. The reason this app exists is because it is not safe to haul down a cab on the street. You will definitely get scammed and in worst case robbed. Even though I new it was safe I was still nervous since it is first time I use the app and since I am a coward afraid of most things in life I do for the first time. But no worries, everything went fine and I arrived safe and sound and not that much poorer to this amazing area in KL called Bangsar. Since I was so nervous about getting there I was 1.5h early for my appointment so not much more to do that to stroll around in the area, and what an area! This was exactly what I have been looking for. Only low rise, full of nice little shops, restaurants and cafes. Just the kind of place I wanted to live in.  However that would never be possible due to the distance, it takes about 1h with metro to get to my work from there, so it has to stay a dream. But so nice to finally find an area in KL I really like.

During my strolling around I ended up in a food market, as always amazing colours and super-cheap fruit and veggies. I loved to get this authentically KL experience, far from offices and high rise and sci-fi. The people there hardly spoke english but where nice and friendly, and Im starting to get used to the lingo here. If you ask a question the answer will either be: can-can or cannot. In this particular market there was a lot of can-can, so with me to the spa I brought a bag full of sunwarm mangos and delicious watermelon

After the market I had time for a quick coffee and then off to Paradise. Paradise also goes under the name of Hammam Spa. The idea is to offer a turkish bath house experience in KL and the treatment I choose was called "My favourite concubine" - a name that promise a lot.

The reception was nice and friendly, before entering you get to choose the oil you want for your massage and they explain the benefits. I choose a rose smelling one that would be relaxing.

You are then led to the changing room, very small, but they only let one in at the time for privacy reason. The you go to the waiting area where you lie resting in a pink chair. When it was my turn a very decisive Moroccan lady came and took me by the hand and led me into the room for my first treatment.

The room is like a steam sauna room but without the steam, in there you get pored water on you, and then the actual treatment a rough body scrub bgins. Ok, I knew Im not the cleanest lady in da hood but when I saw the amount of dead skin she scrubbed of my body even I was shocked... 

I also realised being washed by someone is a very intimate action, I have never been cleaned and scrubbed by a stranger before so at first I was a bit uncomfortable. Especially since you are not alone in the room, they take two at the time. But my lady was obviously not bothered at all, she handled my body with secure, careful but firm hands as if it was the most natural thing in the world so then I relaxed and just enjoyed.

When my body was cleaner than it has ever been I was led out to the pink chairs agin and offered tea. The girl who had the same treatment was led to the same place and started talking to me. It turned out her name is Jean, she is Malaysian and really really nice. We talked away the time until we where called in to out last treatment, this time we got separate rooms and was each offered a 45min heavenly massage. Afterwards we met again, had tea and decided to exchange numbers. So strangely enough I made my first friend here lying half naked getting roughly scrubbed. But I guess there is stranger ways to meet people.

Today was truly a Sunday Funday, and in the taxi home I felt a slight hint of happiness. And maybe I fell a little bit in love with KL

Life so far

Has not been that interesting. I live in a little bubble of my home, the metro to work and my work. I do not see our experience anything else than that, so I have not much to tell about. So I will tell you about some of my feelings and observations within this bubble.

I do really love my home and can´t say enough how thankful I am I found it. Its a little like Amazing Grace: I once was lost but now am found. And it is an amazing grace to have this beautiful jungle hut to hide away in after a hards days work.
My work situation is really crazy, a normal day for me is between 10 -14h sometimes without even a break. And I still do not have time to finish nearly close to what I am supposed to. Luckily I am a fighter and very competitive so I will not give in, I get my strength from the fact that failure is not an option. I do not know how to fail  and I don´t want to learn.

On my way from the metro there is this lovely coffee-place-shed where you can buy a nice cup of coffee on the go. It is called "Happiness Coffee" and they live up to their name. The people who work there always give you a smile and chit chat abut nothing, but its nice. It´s the closest I come to human contact outside of the office. And on top of that on your take away coffee cup everyday  you get  an inspiring message reminding you to not give up, to never give in.

I am still fascinated by the fact I am The Other here. For example on the metro to and from work I am the only blond pale person, including the fact I am one head taller then the rest it really enhances the feeling of being the outsider. It is impossible for me to even dream about blending in. Since this is a muslim country majority of the women wear some kind of head protection, and it makes me think of Europe, how so many countries try to forbid it in different locations or jobs. For example Sweden had an idea of not letting nurses wear any kind of scarf/hijab which is completely insane - I mean how can what I wear on my head possibly influence how I work? I live now in a muslim country but no one try to force me to wear a hijab, how come then that our "modern" western European freedom fighting countries want to oppress women and not let them choose for them self what they wear on their head? I mean seriously, if we are going to forbid what people can or cannot wear i have a looong list of things I rather forbid long before the hijab. To mention a few:

- Catalan hair cut

- People who do not colour match correctly

- Ugly kids

- Uggs

- Bad hair extensions

- Boot cut jeans

etc etc.. the list could go on forever. But, the point is we can not decide what anyone else wears. I would really wish for all these people with all their narrow minded ideas about muslims to come live here, to see well educated smart funny modern women walking around with their hijab, cool Nikes, the latest technology gadgets and maybe they would get an eye opener and let go of their oppressive ideas and stop trying to tell people how to live their lives.

Im not trying to say that muslim is better than western european, my point is that I believe all of us would benefit from go live on the other side of the fence, where you are the strange one. For me it is a mind bending experience and Im still only learning. But to get this opportunity of challenging myself and the culture that has shaped me is priceless and I hope I will come out stronger and with my Doors of Perception more open then ever.

Flat hunt

Today for the first time since I came here I woke up happy.
All these day, all these weeks has been filled with stress, worry and resistance, but finally I reached a day when I woke up happy and relaxed.

One reason is the I finally found a place to stay, and not just anyother place: I found the most beautiful duplex in a place that is like a jungle resort but 3 metro stops away from where I work.

To find a place has been an interesting journey, of course things work differently here than what I am used to.

I had been investing on the internet a lot, starting already from Barcelona and understood that here it is condo living that is the thing, so no use even thinking about a normal flat. After searching for a while I realised all the places has more or less the same concept; the difference is more about interior design of the flat, the pool area and the location. My biggest concerns was that I want to live close to work, preferably in a nice area where it is safe and I want a nice pool. I do nothing more than work and go home so for me finding the right place where I really can feel at home was top priority. At first I was obsessed with finding Europe in KL, I wanted a place like my Palace at home. I wanted a place where I can go out in the morning, go to a nice cafe with a terrass and have my coffee, or just go for a walk on the streets and all the stores I would ever need is just there. Thats not how they roll down here, everything is located in shopping malls and what you want is to live close to a mall. On the streets there is nothing, this city is not made for pedestrians or street life.

The streets I walk  

(N.B this is central KL in a nice area)

So basically I just had to push down the European in me and accept the way of the road down here.

First place I went to was set up by this super sweet guy at work, he heard I was looking so he wanted to help and his friend had some flats he could show. Friend came pick us up with his car and his Russian girl, traffic was jammed as always so you go a distance that would take less then 5 min without jam took us about 20 min but meanwhile the Russian girl was entertaining. She spoke with very strong accent and was ranting on about how bad everything was in KL, people did not speak proper english - I mean common she had ordered a burger without cheese and when she got it there was cheese on it! She also told me about how great Putin is, that we in the west did not understand what a wonderful man and leader he is. The bad guys are NATO and USA and Putin did everything right, even Ukraine was right of him. Everything in Russia is perfect and all the people are very happy. Very interesting to hear the other side of the story, I mean from our end its the other way around; Putin is the bad guy and NATO/USA the heroes saving the world. Now, probably the so called "truth" is some were in the middle, usually the world does not consist of bad guys and heroes but human beings with very different view of the world and how it should be ruled.  But I can assure you it was a very interesting car ride...
Once we got there the building is next to highway in an area that felt dirty and very impersonal. A high rise condo complex made of concrete, the corridors where dark and when we came to the pool area all the people, including men, where bathing with their clothes on. I knew immediately I would not feel comfortable. First of all the place was so cold, so impersonal and second, I do´t want to go swim with my clothes on, but neither would I feel very relaxed with being the only one in bikini having a beer by the pool. Luckily the owners never showed up so we never saw the actual flat but it wouldn't have matter, that was not the place for me.

Once home again I felt very upset, thinking is this what there is? Is this how I have to live? I would not feel neither safe or at home in a place like that. I decided to see what other expats does so I posted on an expat side on FB and immediately got contacted by a person having a flat that seemed really nice. I loved the photos from the page, it is like a Sci-Fi luxury paradise and everything felt much better, this is more the place I am looking for: http://setiaskyresidences.com.my/
The flat was all new, so beautiful and big. 2 bedrooms and 3 bathrooms, big kitchen and a balcony with KLCC view (that is very valued here)

View from the living room

I  instantly fell in love, but there where some issues: No furniture, too high rent and worst of all there is no metro station close, the way I could walk to work is not safe or nice (its along a high way) The residence has foreseen those objections from future tenants so they offer a shuttle service so they drive you to the closest metro station 1.5 km away. But still I would lose my freedom and always have to organise my wishes according to their time table or pay a taxi every time I want to leave my house. Also the rent could be fixed, the owner was willing to negotiate since, as the very embarrassed agent told me: They prefer people like you as tenants (referring to me being European) 

Shortly after the owner contacted me with an offer that was still to expensive for me even though he added in furniture, I told him and it did not take him long to accept to rent it to me for the sum I suggested. I was all thrilled: I had my flat! In a Sci-Fi paradise! However I had already made some appointments the day after to see some more things so i thought I might do it, just to compare. Bu I should have know nothing could compare to Setia Sky, the place where my condo was located. Or so I thought... 

The most striking here at my office is that everyone is so incredibly nice and considerate, so when they learned I was looking for a place to stay everyone gave their tips and tricks. And one guy actually took it one step further and decided he would find me a place. He heard me complain about that I wanted Europe, that I wanted to live in an area where I had a cafe  close to where I stay. So Monday this week he took me to see a place, it was nothing like I had ever seen, the idea is low rise, village like feeling: http://www.propwall.my/setiawangsa/kampung_warisan?tab=photos (just so you can se the pool and the surroundings) And there is a small mall just beside where they have cafes and restaurants. The actual flat was a duplex with wooden floor and really nice interior design.

Master bedroom, upstairs

Guest bedroom, downstairs

Kitchen, downstairs

Living room, dining space, downstairs 

with Muhammed the agent smiling to the camera

The best part with this place is that it is 3 stops away with the metro from where I work, and below photo is taken from the metro station. You see the bridge taking you cross the road and then the buildings you see is where the duplex is located.

                                     

Of course I fell in love with the place! But of course nothing is ever a walk in a rose-garden: The price was to high and what about the snakes? I asked everyone I met at the place about the snakes, and they told me this is with a lot of green just beside the jungle so there are snakes, but don´t worry they don´t come here. One guy told he had seen 1 snake in 7 years, but you know me, that was enough to make me panic and sweat and decide I could not live there. Everyone was laughing at me but Im dead serious, me and snakes don´t match. I hate them with a frenzy that would put the most dedicated white supremacist to shame. I can not live with snakes. However the price for the condo was negotiable so at least that obstacle could be solved, but what about the snakes?

It took me many hours of thinking, many hours of taking advise from my friends and an offer I could not refuse on the rent before I finally decided, snakes or not this is my place. In the end of the day Malaysia is full of snakes, they are everywhere so I might just face it and try to challenge myself. Once again, isn´t that what life is all about? How can we ever grow if we never go outside our comfort zone and do things that scare us? This whole moving to Malaysia thing is just one big scary adventure so I guess I will just learn to go with it, let go of safe Europe and start embracing Asia.