Conclusions 1 - Il n ´y a pas de hors-texte
I noticed how extremely captured we are within our own culture. I have my western glasses on and see the world through them. I compare and judge everything I see according to my western standards, that makes me unable to see things as they "really are", to meet this new world on its own permisses.
Il n ´y a pas de hors-texte (there is nothing outside the text) as Jacques Derrida says and he is so right about it. It is frustrating to understand how little you understand and how trapped you are.
I also realise that even if I would live here for 20 years I would still never be able to step out of my "text" Yes, it would be wider, more complex, but still, you are never ever able to completely have an outside position regarding your cultural and social heritage. It has shaped you for so many years, and it has been influencing you unconsciously and therefore it is even more difficult to see and control.
When I lived in Sweden I had very little knowledge of how influenced and shaped I was by the Swedish society, I always felt different and as an outsider, a misfit. When moving to BCN I started to se how Swedish I really am, even though I disagree with a lot of the Swedish "values" I can still admit that I am a part of it, like it or not. I also got a glimpse of my "text" and how narrow it is. I see, compare and I judge the BCN culture according to my Swedish standards. The Swedish way is alway what everything is compared against.
Coming here to a completely different part of the world, a part that is not shaped by Christian culture, makes me even more aware of how little I will ever know. How tight my glasses are stucked to my eyes, I try to see and meet everything with an open mind. But to believe you are actually capable of stepping out of your "text" and meet the new world "as it is" is a lie. It will never happen, we can strive towards it, and that has a value in it self, but we can never ever completely understand a different culture and judge it by it´s own measurements.